I started Inappropriate Mom nearly three years ago because I was insecure and had zero confidence in my ability to be a mother.
It seemed like every time I read through an article, blog post or Facebook post about parenting, I was doing it wrong. Even the comedienne Moms seemed perfect. It felt as if a Mom who drank, smoked, cursed, let their kids play video games, fed them sugary food, and let their kids watch The Walking Dead might just be the worst person on the planet. Because ALL of those things are horrible, and guess what? I do every single one of them.
Now that you’ve got that picture of me in your head – you know the one, pregnant with curlers in my hair and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, shouting out the door of my trailer at my six kids to check the mail to see if the welfare came…
…let me enlighten you.
I am a 32 year old woman, married only once, with one child. That child only has one babydaddy. I live in a small, conervative town in Minnesota. I’ve actually quit smoking since I started Inappropriate Mom (Yay me! But it’s okay if you are still a smoker, nobody can judge you for it.) but I stillenjoy drinking, playing video games, sugary food, and The Walking Dead. And I say “fuck” a LOT. The word is like a fucking comma with me. I say it in front of my son, too, and he usually will shake his head and tell me not to say it, laughing. He doesn’t like cursing! I do not know who taught him to be that way, it certainly wasn’t me.
My point, and there almost certainly might be one, is that if you have ever judged a mother or father for their bad habits, you’re kind of an asshole. First and foremost, it is not your business. None, whatsoever. If a child is happy and not being abused, you have absolutely no leg to stand on, and you are simply opening yourself up to ridicule. Your cries of “OMG Cheetos?!” and “You vaccinate?!” and “Well, my kids don’t ever [insert massive lie here]!” and of course “I would never [something every single parent in history has done]!” don’t make you look smart, or like a better parent, they just make you look like a cunt. And not only that, while you are being sanctimonious in public, you are making everyone hearing or reading what you just said feel awful, which makes you a bully. I’m positive you are against bullying, so stop being a fucking hypocrite.
To every Mom, every Dad, who has ever been made to feel this way… don’t. It doesn’t matter what they think. It doesn’t matter that you smoke a little weed, let your kids read comic books, served cereal for dinner last night. It doesn’t matter that you like to dress sexy, or let your 8 year old wear makeup, or took a funny picture of the kids involving duct tape. it doesn’t matter that you vaccinate your kids, or lie about the fruit being organic. And it also doesn’t matter if you do the opposite of any of those thing. The true spirit of Inappropriate Mom is doing what feels right to you, minding your own business, and not being an asshole about the way you or others choose to live. And if you feel a bit persecuted because you don’t believe in vaccinating your child, or think gluten is evil, perhaps you need to check your privilege and see if maybe, just maybe, you have not been coming off as a bit of a bitch about your beliefs.
And then shut the fuck up about it.