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Bitchmother

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I’m not talking about PMS. I’m talking about suppressing something dark and deep. When all else fails, you need to take a minute or twenty to lock yourself in the bedroom or bathroom, scream into a pillow, cry it out and gather yourself so you do not explode at your family.

 

Let’s get to know me better, shall we?

There are a lot of letters that get thrown around describing my personality –INTJ, BPD, ADHD, GAD – I am my own alphabet soup, and probably all of them are true in one way or another. Letters that have an extremely deep meaning, letters that define people to their core, but I try not to let that happen. I am simply… The Bitchmother.

Please do not confuse Bitchmother with Bitch Mother, those nosy bitches who give their children no independence. No, the Bitchmother is special. She is an awesome, loving woman who sometimes gets a little psycho. “But Inappropriate Mom,” you exclaim, “you just described all women!

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don’t be sexist.

I’m not talking about PMS. I’m talking about suppressing something dark and deep. When all else fails, you need to take a minute or twenty to lock yourself in the bedroom or bathroom, scream into a pillow, cry it out and gather yourself so you do not explode at your family.

You feel like the worst mother in the world when you snap at them, right? It’s almost like standing outside your body and looking at yourself, wonderingWhy? Why am I saying these things? Why am I yelling? What am I so angry about? And later, when it’s over, you apologize. “I know I’ve been grumpy,” you explain to the little ones and “I’ve been really emotional, I know,” you say to the grown ones.

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And they understand. Well, they somewhat understand. They get that it happened, that you’re sorry. They don’t quite understand that you literally cannot help it, that you are seemingly a separate being, out of control of the brain. You don’t talk about that so much because it sounds a little crazy. So you name Her, and Her name is Bitchmother. Having a name makes her a little more human, a little more controllable.

There have been a couple instances where I’ve lost control of Bitchmother completely. All were in situations where the security of my family were threatened. I call this phenomenon “Seeing Red” (after Robert Downey Jr. inDue Date!) And I am usually left a bit dazed and hazy on the details after an occurrence.

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Once it happened when I opened my front door in the middle of the night to a neighbor looking under the hood of my car. That man is lucky I didn’t have a weapon of any sort anywhere near me. I recall screaming at him, and him actually running away across a field in fear. I’m not quite sure what I said, but it must have been bad. He was some tweaker and I’m sure he was attempting to steal a part if not the whole thing, but I certainly heard about what a crazy bitch I was around the neighborhood for a while… to which my general reply was “Was I supposed to be HAPPY about finding him trying to steal my shit in the middle of the night?” I mean sure I could have handled it better but I also could have handled it a hell of a lot worse.

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That’s just one instance of loss of control, and probably the worst. As I have grown older I have developed a shorter leash for Bitchmother. So while every now and then something really fucking evil spills out of my mouth, it is usually just a short burst and almost never directed at an unsuspecting stranger. It’s never escalated to physical violence against anyone I love, which I don’t imagine it ever would because then Bitchmother would kick my own ass.

Do I hate her? Sometimes. But, you see, there is another side of my personality. And that other side is terrified of people and large crowds and the unknown and thinks everybody is mad at her. So where would I bewithout Bitchmother? I can’t live with having a panic attack every time I go into a crowd, so instead I let the bitch out, get angry at absolutely nothing, and forget to be scared. It works for me. Pretty well actually.

Who needs medication when you have a sarcastic, angry secondary personality?

 

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Stephanie S.
Stephanie Streeter is a foul-mouthed stay-stay-at-home mom who enjoys taking sanctimommies down a notch or ten. She spends her days encouraging parents and desperately trying to get people to like her on facebook, where she founded Inappropriate Mom in early 2013.
http://www.inappropriatemoms.com